Stolen Yarns

Wednesday, 1 June 2016

BEGGY BEGGY

Pride, they say, goes before a fall. I think Naira was proud and  summer is Pride...(you will get that in a few minutes). Some people have some kind of pride shaa. They are even prouder than a collection of lions. And you won't know until they have money or power or both. But really, in fairness to us the rich, I think you poor people get the concept of pride a little bit misconstrued. Sometimes you mix pride with class. When your friend becomes rich, and you say he's proud because he doesn't pick your call or hang out with you no more. Check well o. Maybe all you call him for is to complain and beg. You know some people beg every single time. No matter what topic you are discussing, it must end with 'beg'.

"How far, did you see the goal Messi scored yesterday?"
Omo I no see am o.. my subscription finished o. I was even thinking if i can see like 10k..."


"How far... did you hear that Sammy is getting married?"
"Ahh nooo... I'm even coming from the hospital now, the doctor said I have hearing problem that I would need like 40k. can you assist me with like 35k out of it"

"Jesus loves you"
"Yes o, hes the only one that loves me at the moment. No love anywhere else. You wont believe that my LandLord pushed me out of my house this morning because I need 50k to complete the rent!"

Yes that's the key phrase beggars use. Any time you hear this: "You wont believe it...", na beg they wan beg you so! So if you had a friend like this, tell me, would you always pick his call. One day our neighbor knocked on our door and my little 5 year old niece answered:

"Yes who's that?"
"Its me, Mummy Segun"
"Ahh mummy Segun, our Garri has finished"

What an insult! How could she? I mean!  What sort of mean statement is that. So as a responsible big brother, I told my niece to kneel down, raise her hands, close her eyes and face the wall. What nonsense! And I apologised to her. The poor woman that must have just come to greet us jejely. She sat and started watching TV with us. After 10 minutes, while my niece was still serving her punishment, the next thing I heard...

"Bros, sorry o, is it true that Garri has finished?" 

What!!! I looked at her, then took another look at my niece, then I told my niece to get up and go and sit down. Mama Segun asked why I released her. I said I don't like punishing someone unjustly.  That was the last day she came to our house.

I see BEGGARS everyday, maybe because I stay in OJODU. Some don't even beg for tangible things. Some beg for things like free ride. 

"Are you by any chance going to Festac?"
"Awww, No I'm going to Ikorodu"
"Ehhnnn but you can pass through Festac naa!!"
"Huh! I said Ikorodu, not Cameroun"

I remember when we were in primary school, the driver will drop us in school every morning. One day, we saw a woman that stays several streets away but attends our church walking to work, so we parked and picked her up. Luckily her office was just beside my school. The next day, coincidentally, we saw her at the same place. So we picked her up. The third day we saw her coincidentally..at the same place. The fourth. The fifth. same thing! What a coincidence. Then the next Monday, we started our Midterm break! I was having a sound sleep on my bed when I heard someone banging our gate. 

"Who is that?" I yelled
"Won't you be late for school, its almost 9'oclock" the woman we 'coincidentally' pick up on the road yelled back. On top my own school again. E gba mi.
"No ma we wont be late, we are on Mid-term break!"
She cried back at me "You are on break? Ahh You are wicked! Why didn't you tell me naa, I've been standing on the road for the past one hour! What type of nonsense is this? And I have even spent my transport fare! Ahh this is not fair!!!"

Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. If you want to book SLK for your shows/events, please don't hesitate to contact +234-7035639439. Good night


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