Stolen Yarns

Saturday, 12 October 2013

Family Planning

So some people still believe that the larger your family, the more the respect! Thank God for my dad sha! Very wise Ijebu man! Just 2 boys....sorry 2 fine boys shikena! Just myself and my elder brother! But my brother left us in 2009 though! It was a sad period for me but I got consolation from the fact that he left us for a better place (sad face).

 But thank God he's back now! Thank God for the years he spent in England! Wait... what were you thinking? Is England not a better place?

Speaking of my brother I remember our "growing-up" days! When my brother and I would share one small bed like that! He would still be sleeping like superman! Stretching his body to the widest possible width which always throws me out of the bed! So for years, I would sleep on the bed and wake up on the floor! I used to fall so hard that I would inevitably wake up with a headache! So as time went on instead of waiting for the day I would pick up the pieces of my broken head, after evening devotion, I would just go straight to sleep on the floor instead of  the bed! When my father asked why I didn't sleep on the bed, I replied philosophically, "he that is down needs fear no fall"! So I wasn't surprised when the following morning he bought me a very fine helmet! So I started sleeping on the bed again!

On the flip side of things, my neighbour's father (who is also my neighbor! rme) wasn't that wise! 3 wives, several concubines and plenty children! He did not even know his kids off-hand! He would see one and say "Paul". The boy would reply,
 'No daddy! Peter'!
"But how come you look like Paul so much?"
'Maybe because we are Identical twins!'
"Really! I have a set of twins! I didn't know!"

Such was the kind of life that obtained there! When the man couldn't take it anymore, he made it mandatory for all his family members to walk around with ID cards on their necks for easy identification!


I remember that family ruined our childhood fun a lot of times! One prominent one I can never forget was the one that had to do with Santa Claus! Now you know Santa Claus, abroad, goes house to house to deliver gifts to children! Have you ever wondered why that doesn't happen in Nigeria? Its because of this family! Santa tried it and that was the last time he did! When Santa came to our street, the first door he knocked on was this my neighbour's! He carried the gifts in his red bag as usual! Smiling and ready to make kids happy with his gifts! One of the mothers opened the door! And Santa goes 'Hey! I have something for your children!" If only he knew where he was! So the mother shouted "KUNDUS!!! go and call your siblings o! Someone wants to give you something!" In Santa's mind: max 3 siblings! Then they started coming one by one! Santa was giving the gifts one by one! Santa noticed that he had given about ten children! Now his big smile had degenerated into a wide grimace! Then his big bag began to deflate! Now for the first time in my entire life, I heard Santa Claus speak Yoruba " Ejo Won ki n tan ni?" (meaning Abeg they no dey finish?) The mother replied "That's my  last child you are attending to" Santa was relieved! The mother continued "but we still have children of 2 other mothers in the house!" 
"Ahhh! You know what ma! Just take the bag! "
That's how Santa went back home empty handed! The next time Santa came! He knocked the door! And the same mother answered and goes "Ohh let me go and get the kids" Santa smiled and said "No now am asking for Parents only!"














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4 comments:

  1. This one no be Santa claus o...na father Xmas .
    Lmao...nice one Bro!

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  2. Keep up d good work!! Lmao! Dis is hilarious. 2 questions.
    Do the oda comedians in laff therapy(D1 & Emma-oh-my-God) own blogs too? If yes, pls reply with the links.
    Secondly, wat abt d oda Emma? I mean Emma- oh-my-God's comedy partner back den in sch? Is he still into comedy?

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  3. Hmmm! Concerning the other emma, come to think of it! From observation and meditation, I hav realized that 2 emmas (who r friends in life) never end up being comedians! And since emma oh ma God is already a newly hatched comedian, the other emma wud most likely be a pastor or worst case scenario have his name on a shop in computer village and his sons names in extreme cases (emma & sons millenium bookshop) or in devastating case scenario, he's a houseboy somewhere in ibadan! Nice one SLK! Ehen, that reminds me SLK! Come! No be u borrow my indomie kettle b4 we graduate? Ur name ws the last on the list and u no sign back in!! Make I catch u first! Lmao!!

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    Replies
    1. You could be a comedian too you know :)
      Can't stop laughing at the indomie kettle part. :D
      As for SLK.... U'r doing great, just wish you could post more often.

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