Stolen Yarns

Friday, 27 September 2013

REALITY SHOWS





Except, of course, you live in a very remote village in Nigeria, you will agree with me that we live in a world of reality shows! BBA, Ultimate search, Maltina Dance All, X-factor, Project Fame to mention a few. Let me even start with  BBA sef!Shout out to Melvin of Big Brother o! Wonderful guy sha! Just that, that guy and Usain Bolt we no no who dey run pass! Runner up in Mr Nigeria, Runner up in Ultimate search, Runner up in BBA! Then Nigeria's other representative Ada Beverly Osu!Hmmmm! She behave so tey, even Flavour had to sing for her! "ADA ADA! OOOOOOHH"! Flavour that normally only makes sounds in his songs "Kirikata!" "kporopotokporopotokporokpotokpomkpomkpom"! No wonder Ice-prince saw her and sang "Oleku"! Nobody understood what he meant! Back to Beverly jare!Nigerians sha! They wont just let her be! Now they have turned her name to an adverb that it actually sounds like! e.g "The girl danced  berverly last night!" "The pastor sent her out because she dressed beverly to church!" "She must be tired, she was beverlied last night!" etc!

Of course we all know how stressful and excruciating the auditions for these shows could get! Especially the talent shows i.e Project fame, X-factor, Naija sings.. sorry  Naija sang (cos its like they dont do it again). Watching some of these auditions can make you almost die of laughter o! Then you begin to wonder, what actually made some people come out for a singing competition! Thats how one went for audition for Peak Talent hunt (sponsored by peak milk) and he got there and was singing "Oyoyoyoyoyo our milk" (cowbell's hit track)! It was bouncers that chased him away from the premises! That's like shelling in an interview for a job in Chevron!! Who does that?



Well, you can also defend some! And say maybe they are chasing them from their various villages! How else can you explain this particular comment from a judge after a great music performance! 

"Wow! Fantastic performance! I love your voice texture! I love your stage presence! Your stage craft was on point! You started well and your ending was off the hook! I am very very impressed I must say! But for me, its a NO!"
If you ask me I think that candidate needs to wash his head in River Niger!

And reality shows increase every year almost at a geometric rate! Years back it was just music! Now there is dance ("Maltina Dance All"), business ("Dragon's Den") , acting ("The Spirited Actor"), search ("Ultimate Search")! I heard they even want to start one in the north ... "Keep The fire Burning" dont ask me what its about abeg! 

Even though reality shows are on the increase, they still haven't been able to match the very high demand for them! Nowadays the same people that go for Project Fame auditions go for that of Ultimate Search, and also Maltina Dance All! Nowadays young people dont even know what the show is about before they enter the competition! That's how one of my friends entered for one reality show! In fact he entered for every show that year! Thy just called for auditions and he went as usual! He didn't even read what the show was about or the title but he just felt it was dance!! It was when he arrived at the venue of the audition and he saw blood on the floor and heard people crying that it dawned on him to check the flier very well! Behold the title: 

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DIE! -1st prize all expense paid trip to heaven!

Ladies and gentlemen, he won the competition!!



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