Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Letter Of an Unborn Child

                                                                                       New Products Department,
                                                                                                            Golden Lane, Abraham Bustop
The King of Kings
Mansion 1

Dear Lord

                                                       Letter Of Appeal
God why?????

One of Your angels came to our department today and said that it's my turn to go to the world!  I was very happy! Knowing  that my long time female friend left only last Sunday for the family of the Wests in America! I am sure you remember her! She was the one you made with so much clay at the back and in front just like you made her mother! I was excited that I would finally go and join her! At least we can continue what we have started, since You dont allow such here in heaven! So I was getting ready to go o, before your angel now gave me the address! Am sure that your angel is not Gabby because Gabby normally brings good news! Thank God I opened the address o! I know you are my creator and you want the best for me but I dont understand this address:
1st room,  2nd Bridge, Isale Ora off Konidafunyalayawon  Ajegunle Lagos, Nigeria!! And the Angel said am supposed to be born to one Kundus Salawu, the Permanent Secretary of Ajegunle Agbero Association who  got Sikiratu that sells paraga in the garage pregnant months back! 
So of all the Perm Secs in Nigeria. its  the Permanent Secretary of AAA you brought me to???

Why Lord? Have I ever done anything wrong to you? I even worship you with the angels and the elders every day! What happened to being a 'Gates' or a 'Becham'. Even if you wanted to send me to Nigeria, what happened to Dangote's children! Or at worst, cant I just be one of Tu face's children? (wipes tears) .  Yes one of Tu face's kids! At least I know that every year I celebrate my birthday, I will appear on Linda Ikeji's blog! Imagine,I saw video clips of Salawu from Your archive on our intranet! Its disastrous! Did You see the way he beat that his son that he had few years back! One day, he beat the boy mercilessly till the boy stopped breathing! Still Salawu didnt stop! Salawu continued to beat the boy till he cried back to life! That boy started eating eba after 2 months o! You saw the way he ran away now! He's now one of the top bus conductors in ajegunle! If only he knows that its his father that impregnated his wife! Is this the kind of life you want for me?

God isn't there something we can do? Me I cant go there o! I prefer to be an imbecile in Ikoyi than a sharp ajegunle boy! Wait a minute, that boy Davido, with the way he has been jumping around cant You just punish him with me! Let me be his punishment! Let me be his Gobe o Lord! I dont mind! I would become an instant star! Lord please I would appreciate it if you can reply me fast! Because this woman is in labor  and if you dont do anything,she would just die because me am not going anywhere near that place o! See the hospital sef! Its candle they are using to deliver me.. sorry the baby - No LIGHT!! God I know your plans for me are good not evil! Take me to Davido or better still take me overseas! See fine potential fathers Usher Raymond, Obama, Lionel Messi, Brad Pitt, Elton John...no not Elton John!  But not Salawu! You can even make me a Dog in America but not a Salawu in Ajegunle! (Cries)

Thanks for your anticipated reply!

Yours in distress

Kabiru Olowu Salawu

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  1. SLK of Lmao!!! That was crayyyyyy

  2. ​L̃̾Õ☺Õ̾Ô=D:D=));)ÕÔ☺ÔÕ̾L̃̾.

  3. That was hilarious, keep it up boo

  4. Heheheheheh! Mehn! He has seen the candle oo. Forget it salawu, u r going to room 1. Shikena!

  5. i've bin waitin 4 so long 4 a new post...u finally did!

  6. Lol...hilarious