Stolen Yarns

Friday, 8 March 2013

RED CARD, A Lady's Master Card! - MY RED CARD STORY



For the men, I just have one question to ask, have you ever received a RED CARD before? Come on! You know am not talking about soccer! Duhhh!  I mean Red card! OK let me cut the euphemism! Babe don tell you NO before? Am sure your response will be a big NO! Liarsssssssssssssssssssss! Every man must have tasted that thing called Red card! Whether in primary school, high school, university or even in church! Yes Church!! One girl gave my guy a straight red in church right on the aisle! And he just looked embarrassingly at the altar as if to say "Dude men! you didn't just let that happen!" But truth be told, you must have gotten a NO before! Maybe you just didn't know! Ladies have become very crafty and skillful about this act! They tell you NO and you, MUMU will still feel good!

I have noticed too that men have found a way of concealing a RED  CARD from their fellow guys! Have you noticed that  if a guy has been tracking a babe for a while and all of a sudden he backs off and you are wondering what happened- actually... RED CARD HAPPENED! But if you ask him, he would never tell you he was bounced! LAILAI!That's when he would suddenly discover that they are related! If you go, "Guy how far Tracy na?" he goes " Tracy! No I wasn't on her P o! C moon she's my cousin na!"  Omo she must have been your best cousin o! That is why you bought her BB 10 meanwhile your own Bold 1 is even getting shy! MTCHEEEWW

But girls you people are wicked sha! While some very nice ones come up with reasonable excuses just so you wont feel bad, others actually give that RED CARD like Collina! You know that there's a way a girl will say NO that the guy will beat her! In her life she will never say NO again! Then there is this annoying one some say! 'Its not you, its me!' That's the biggest lie ever told by a woman after high hills! One fine girl that I know says that one a lot! She used that line for 5 guys! They all believed! They were so happy and proud of their lives! It was when they were gisting among themselves that they discovered that they had been duped!

I know what's on your mind now! Me nko? Haven't I chopped Red before? Omo me I am Balotelli o! I remember my secondary school love! Oh I loved this girl like crazy! I loved this girl to the extent that I mistakenly wrote her name on my exam answer sheet! What? Dont blame me! Her name sounded so much like Oluwaponmile! OK maybe not so much! But I was really tripping for her! I even wrote a song for her sef!!! Kai! I don mumu for this life o! Obsession was an understatement!  But as obsessed as I was, you wont believe that I never said a word to her! Each time I open my mouth to talk to her nothing comes out! LOVE NWATINTIN! Everybody knew that I could kill for her! Yes I actually did that once! Yes I killed for her! Dont look at me like that! One cockroach was running towards her so I killed it and gave a heroic smile! I dont think I had felt that good in my life! But, ladies and gentle men, that did not stop my red card!

That fateful day! If I had known, (wipes tears) , I would have gone home earlier! But NO! I was forming I would watch over her till she goes home! You go fear SSS now! Then she sent her friend to call me! A whole me! SLK! Apparently she had been hearing about my obsession and wanted to hear from the HORSE'S mouth! Emi lo pe lesin yen o!! I walked like a student entering the staff room after failing a test! I stood in front of her like Peter at the Mount of transfiguration! 'I heard that you have been saying stuff like you like me! I have noticed that you have been starring at me a lot! So I would like to hear what you have to say' , she said! But me sef I did not try o! I used to stare at her like a lion stares at its prey! In fact there is no way you would stare at a human being like that that the person's shape will not change! You know there is a way you will stare at a lady, with the kind of thoughts in your mind', that she would get pregnant immediately! Anyways back to my gist, that till date has been my most difficult interview! From nowhere, I don't know what opened up the pores on my face! I began to perspire profusely like an ileya ram! "Em mm! i just wanted to say that..emm i like you and......I like you" Please note, when I said 'and' I actually wanted to say something different, but my brain literarily stopped working! Maybe the part of the brain that was supposed to think immediately started sweating too! She herself couldn't believe that was all I had to say! Then came the most dreaded RED CARD! "Well (wait for it) it DEFINITELY CANT WORK! COS THERE IS NO CHEMISTRY BETWEEN US" That was not all she said, but that's all I heard and needed to hear! Even after she left! I still stood there, apparently transfigured  I couldn't move, I couldn't talk but I was just sweating! Thank God for my friends that took me to a safe place and started fanning me! Well ladies and gentlemen the Red card didn't affect me oh *wipes tears* , but that was the last time I passed CHEMISTRY in my life! 

This, friends, is my Red card story! Would love to hear yours!


A young lady manages to hide her ugly childhood past from her friends and struggles with the negative effect on her life. Unknown to her, what seems to be just a knock from a stranger, becomes her healing.
(Well instead of writing another fiction story for my website, I decided to visualize it this time. Yea yea, there are flaws but it will only get better. Follow this link, watch and get inspired!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT7ppVJITEc







If you want SLK to anchor your event or perform at your event, please send a message to +234-7035639439 SMS only please or BB: 25fa5cf5

7 comments:

  1. Hilarious doesn't do this justice. Choi! Well, I've never got a red card. I'm bad like that B-) #jonz

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  2. Very Funi... *wipes tears*. Def gotten a red card in a skillful way u talked abt...

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  3. My own read my love letter to the whole class after yabbing me,chai

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  4. Oh boi...red card plenty for me o...I guess I shld have d highest number of red cards in this world!

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  5. Lol for all d guys,can't stop laughing...m a nice girl I give red card in a loving way...actually told sme1 no with a kiss.lol

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  6. this was really funny.... Red card things

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  7. Lmfao!SLK pls av mercy on us...u r rili talented,no denying about that....xoxo Lovedove

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