Stolen Yarns

Thursday, 15 November 2012

A Day At The Bank!!

You all must know that period now! Yes you must! That period in school when you don't have shishi! As in Shingbain! The perilous times!! Or yours might not be in school sef! Even real life o! The easiest way to know when your flatmate or roommate is poor ....sorry has financial challenges is that he begins to check all the pockets of his old clothes! When its not as if he's washing! Yes you do it! You know you do it! That's the time you respect Nigerian money well! You see a child kicking N10 note, you start beating him!
You that you normally would form "Me i can never eat in a buka"! You are the one pricing Iya mukaila'a pomo! You want to wreck the poor woman! Its this kind of period that you suddenly become health conscious! That's when you know that meat causes cancer and a bottle of drink causes diabetes!! I feel your pain my brother and sister! I've been there!

It was in school o! Mmm mm (takes amebo position)! The hot sun was not even helping matters! That time you would easily know students that don't have money! Na dem de dress pass!! After like 2 boring lectures that even made matters worse, (One was so boring the lecturer himself was sleeping) I  decided that I couldn't take it anymore! Here I was, just an ordinary fresher! I didn't know the 'ways'! As if God was answering little SLK's prayers, I got what seemed to me like an epiphany!! I jolted like i just caught a rhema from a Bishop Oyedepo sermon! Off i ran to the bank!! Like Elijah, I outran all the campus shuttles!! What hunger can do!

Am sure you are wondering what entered me! I remembered that I had about N1000 in my account! I figured that I couldn't withdraw everything but, hey, N500 was luxury for me at that moment! So since I didn't have an ATM card then! I carried my withdrawal slip and ran to the bank! If you see the way I was filling the slip sef! Codedly as if I was selling drugs! Suffice to say at this juncture that this particular branch of the bank in school then just opened services like 2 months back! Hence their services were not as mellifluous as they should be! As a matter of fact at that moment the bank itself didn't have cash!! They depended on people that came to deposit! And as the devil would have it, there was no deposit that day! The bank manager was really confused! All of us that came to withdraw were really voicing out our disappointments! See the way I counted myself with the people that came to withdraw like say na better money I come withdraw! They are calling fruits agbalumo sef dey raise hand! Mtcheeew!

The very confused and angry bank manager called about 12 OF US into his office!I guess he was trying to patronize and placate us! He obviously did not know what to do! I think I was even the only dude there that day sef! He decided to ask us one by one how much we were withdrawing so he could know how to manage the situation! ' I just want to withdraw 20,000 naira I need it for my upkeep!' the 1st girl yelled!
'Mine is about 50,000 my hair is due' The 2nd yelled! I heard about 9 other ridiculous amounts like that for very flimsy reasons o! I apparently forgot that it was getting to my turn! Then the manager turned to me o! 'sir how much are you withdrawing?' I looked at him like I was facing God on the last day! 'Me?' I asked trying to dodge the imminent fiasco! 'Yes you sir'! At this moment, I wanted to actually make my way to the front to whisper into his ear but the line was long and choked up! And these spoilt gbeborun girls were already looking at me expecting to hear God knows what!
So I took a surreptitious look at my withdrawal slip (like say no be me write am), took a deep breathe and mumbled out "N500" such that the girls wont hear me! The already impatient manager yelled back "sir pls you would need to speak louder please we don't have much time to waste"
'I said 500!' I replied! To my surprise the girls started winking at me and smiling sheepishly! One even asked for my number! In a few seconds I knew why!
" Wow that's a lot I don't think you can cash  500 thousand naira today! Maybe tomorrow!"
"No sir I meant 500 NAIRA" I yelled back in anger!
"N500? Then we should not keep you waiting!" The useless bank manager did not even reach for the drawer! He went straight to his breast pocket and brought out my money!! If you hear laughs from those spoilt girls that day!! I felt like the ground should open and ... God forbid not swallow me up o! But swallow all of them up! I felt like maybe this is what happened to lagbaja that made him start wearing masks all over the place because that's what I felt like doing!
That was A Day at The bank I would never forget!!! Whats yours?

If you want SLK to anchor your event or perform at your event, please send a message to +23407035639439.SMS only please or BB: 25fa5cf5


  1. SLK, is this really a true life story? i wish i was its really funny.

  2. lwtmb....
    hehe..oh, and one more thing... wenevr you put +234... on your fone number, you remove the first zero... so u shud have +2347035639.....

  3. Nice one mehn! Got me crying my eyes out!