Stolen Yarns

Saturday, 18 August 2012

IYA IBEJI

Yoruba traders are one of the funniest people to watch! You could have a filled day just sitting in a garage in Lagos (that's of course if you dont have a job) and watching the hawkers advertise and sell their goods! Or petty canteen owners preferably called BUKAs attend to their hungry customers! I would want to do a little bit of juxtaposition between Ibo traders and their Yoruba counterparts! Of course there is no doubt that the Ibo traders are more successful at doing businEEss! IBO KWENU! 

At this juncture, let me do a bit of introduction of both parties for the benefit of our foreign readers! The Ibos    are a group of wonderful people in Nigeria! Just like football is to Brazillians, and technology is to the chinese, so is businEEss to the average ibo man! In Nigeria, they majorly reside in the East (that does not directly imply that they are wise men!). While the Yorubas on the otherhand are party loving, party loving and party loving people! Suffice to say that you can effectively feed on parties in a Yoruba land as there is always a party going on! In Nigeria they majorly reside in the west (that does not directly imply that they are civilised men!). They also like to 'form' that they can sell things! So you can see why am comparing the two of them when it comes to merchandise! I am going to examine 3 major points in which the ibos capitalise on to become better businessmen!

Point No 1
I think the major reason Ibos do better is that they go specific! check out these business names Chucks Motors, Nnamdi and Sons Spare parts , Okoro International Elctronics E.T.C! This is a sharp contrast from the Yorubas! All my people will just put up is IYA IBEJI! Thats all! Then the next thing you will look for is what she does NOT sell! Inside IYA IBEJI, you would see soap, toilet roll, kerosene, newspaper, pepper, apple, coke, bread, petrol, t-shirt, Blackberry, camfour, exercise book, house girl (for sale), fridge, lottery e.t.c! Research has proven that almost every street in lagos has an Iya Ibeji! One day I asked the one on my street (jokingly) if she had tickets because I wanted to travel! Her response shocked me!
'A ni!(we have) Ewo le fe (which do you want) Arik wa, Aero wa, Virgin wa, Belview wa, Sosoliso wa, koda gan Dana naa wa! I ran for my dear life! I asked for tickets to Abuja not tickets to heaven's gate!

Point No 2
Another reason for their trading success is that the Ibos are quite businEEs minded when it comes to trading! They see customers as customers not as family members! So the next time you see an Ibo petty trader, he would most likely call you 'My guy!' or at most, 'my brother!' NO! Not the yorubas! I dont know if is humility or sheer desperation,but a yoruba trader will not only make you a member of his family by fire by force, he will put you on a very high position in her/his family tree! Yorubas can FAMZ (form familiarity)! I was walking across a fairly old woman's shop! By my observation, this woman would be in her late 60s! I was shocked when she called on me, 'Daddy mi, ewo le fe ra? (MY DAD WHICH DO YOU WANT TO BUY?)' How na? Your daddy! While I stood there trying to farthom how a young fine boy (why are you coughing?) like me could father his grandma's age mate, I didn't know the little 5yr old boy beside me had to grapple with a much greater responsibility! This woman shouted to the boy, 'BABA OKO MI! (My father-in-law)' What? All because of ordinary sweet! How can you put such an onerous responsibility on this little boy! No wonder the poor boy was crying!

Point No 3
A lot of people are of the opinion that we yorubas are dirty! Helloooo! I disagree! I am a proud yoruba boy!   Let me explain! Food business is a business a lot of Nigerians run away from, but we Yorubas happen to be the only ones that do it! Duuhhh! we sell anything remember? So that's why you might think we are dirty! You guys would have to eat what you see! But we yorubas no dey try sometimes sa! If you see when a colony of yoruba women are making amala, you will understand why it has that salty taste! Not to mention pounded-yam! You will understand why, instead of pure white, the colour is whitish brownish yellow (dependng on the number of women that pounded it)! Duhhh! Why do you think its that sweet! Natural causes! I remember vividly the day I went to buy roasted corn from Iya Ibeji (Yes she sells roasted corn too and roasted yam, and roasted plantain and ...oooh dont let me start listing again!). Let me say at this juncture that am a corn freak! An ardent corn fan! As a kid, I ate corn till I was CONscious! I noticed that the sale was interrupted by a call from her son a few metres away! I was still focused on the tantalising aroma of the corn and fantasizing on how delicious this one will be! I jolted back to consciousness when she came back with wet hands! out of curiousity, I asked what she went to do! Then she replied, 'Ma da obun yen loun! O sese yagbe tan ni so mo lo tamba fun (Dont mind that dirty boy he just finished defaecating so I went to clean him up!) So which one do you want? this one is N50 (touches it) this one is N30 (touches it too) but all these are N70 (touches everything)' Tears gathered in my eyes! I would have cried but for the simple reason that am a man (i guess)! The reason was not the corn I did not buy anymore but the tonnes I had eaten all through my life! I said it! My being tall was not ordinary! (Crying) Ah! Iya Ibeji!!!



Trust me its gonna be DA BOMB. Tickets selling fast so u better start buying yours... I no say booking O... I said BUY BUY BUY cos u can't afford to miss THIS EVENT. Limited tickets available o. For your Tickets, c
all Nelson 08033102703 (Omole), Yinka 08094001191 (Ikeja), Victor 08184174013 (Festac), Dammy 08028969470 (OTA), Bisi 07066556908 (Jakande/Ajao Estate), Grant 08022154011 (Ikeja/Oshodi) and (Adaku Osuwah) Mocality 08188904321.







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5 comments:

  1. SLK, guy u funny die dis is very fresh & original.

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  2. This is so funny...jeez!slk u no go kill person oh

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  4. Very creative...Slk i tink u shud start pic comedy too

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  5. Hahahahahaha Iya ibeji don dey sell corn too?

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