Stolen Yarns

Saturday, 18 August 2012

IYA IBEJI

Yoruba traders are one of the funniest people to watch! You could have a filled day just sitting in a garage in Lagos (that's of course if you dont have a job) and watching the hawkers advertise and sell their goods! Or petty canteen owners preferably called BUKAs attend to their hungry customers! I would want to do a little bit of juxtaposition between Ibo traders and their Yoruba counterparts! Of course there is no doubt that the Ibo traders are more successful at doing businEEss! IBO KWENU! 

At this juncture, let me do a bit of introduction of both parties for the benefit of our foreign readers! The Ibos    are a group of wonderful people in Nigeria! Just like football is to Brazillians, and technology is to the chinese, so is businEEss to the average ibo man! In Nigeria, they majorly reside in the East (that does not directly imply that they are wise men!). While the Yorubas on the otherhand are party loving, party loving and party loving people! Suffice to say that you can effectively feed on parties in a Yoruba land as there is always a party going on! In Nigeria they majorly reside in the west (that does not directly imply that they are civilised men!). They also like to 'form' that they can sell things! So you can see why am comparing the two of them when it comes to merchandise! I am going to examine 3 major points in which the ibos capitalise on to become better businessmen!

Point No 1
I think the major reason Ibos do better is that they go specific! check out these business names Chucks Motors, Nnamdi and Sons Spare parts , Okoro International Elctronics E.T.C! This is a sharp contrast from the Yorubas! All my people will just put up is IYA IBEJI! Thats all! Then the next thing you will look for is what she does NOT sell! Inside IYA IBEJI, you would see soap, toilet roll, kerosene, newspaper, pepper, apple, coke, bread, petrol, t-shirt, Blackberry, camfour, exercise book, house girl (for sale), fridge, lottery e.t.c! Research has proven that almost every street in lagos has an Iya Ibeji! One day I asked the one on my street (jokingly) if she had tickets because I wanted to travel! Her response shocked me!
'A ni!(we have) Ewo le fe (which do you want) Arik wa, Aero wa, Virgin wa, Belview wa, Sosoliso wa, koda gan Dana naa wa! I ran for my dear life! I asked for tickets to Abuja not tickets to heaven's gate!

Point No 2
Another reason for their trading success is that the Ibos are quite businEEs minded when it comes to trading! They see customers as customers not as family members! So the next time you see an Ibo petty trader, he would most likely call you 'My guy!' or at most, 'my brother!' NO! Not the yorubas! I dont know if is humility or sheer desperation,but a yoruba trader will not only make you a member of his family by fire by force, he will put you on a very high position in her/his family tree! Yorubas can FAMZ (form familiarity)! I was walking across a fairly old woman's shop! By my observation, this woman would be in her late 60s! I was shocked when she called on me, 'Daddy mi, ewo le fe ra? (MY DAD WHICH DO YOU WANT TO BUY?)' How na? Your daddy! While I stood there trying to farthom how a young fine boy (why are you coughing?) like me could father his grandma's age mate, I didn't know the little 5yr old boy beside me had to grapple with a much greater responsibility! This woman shouted to the boy, 'BABA OKO MI! (My father-in-law)' What? All because of ordinary sweet! How can you put such an onerous responsibility on this little boy! No wonder the poor boy was crying!

Point No 3
A lot of people are of the opinion that we yorubas are dirty! Helloooo! I disagree! I am a proud yoruba boy!   Let me explain! Food business is a business a lot of Nigerians run away from, but we Yorubas happen to be the only ones that do it! Duuhhh! we sell anything remember? So that's why you might think we are dirty! You guys would have to eat what you see! But we yorubas no dey try sometimes sa! If you see when a colony of yoruba women are making amala, you will understand why it has that salty taste! Not to mention pounded-yam! You will understand why, instead of pure white, the colour is whitish brownish yellow (dependng on the number of women that pounded it)! Duhhh! Why do you think its that sweet! Natural causes! I remember vividly the day I went to buy roasted corn from Iya Ibeji (Yes she sells roasted corn too and roasted yam, and roasted plantain and ...oooh dont let me start listing again!). Let me say at this juncture that am a corn freak! An ardent corn fan! As a kid, I ate corn till I was CONscious! I noticed that the sale was interrupted by a call from her son a few metres away! I was still focused on the tantalising aroma of the corn and fantasizing on how delicious this one will be! I jolted back to consciousness when she came back with wet hands! out of curiousity, I asked what she went to do! Then she replied, 'Ma da obun yen loun! O sese yagbe tan ni so mo lo tamba fun (Dont mind that dirty boy he just finished defaecating so I went to clean him up!) So which one do you want? this one is N50 (touches it) this one is N30 (touches it too) but all these are N70 (touches everything)' Tears gathered in my eyes! I would have cried but for the simple reason that am a man (i guess)! The reason was not the corn I did not buy anymore but the tonnes I had eaten all through my life! I said it! My being tall was not ordinary! (Crying) Ah! Iya Ibeji!!!



Trust me its gonna be DA BOMB. Tickets selling fast so u better start buying yours... I no say booking O... I said BUY BUY BUY cos u can't afford to miss THIS EVENT. Limited tickets available o. For your Tickets, c
all Nelson 08033102703 (Omole), Yinka 08094001191 (Ikeja), Victor 08184174013 (Festac), Dammy 08028969470 (OTA), Bisi 07066556908 (Jakande/Ajao Estate), Grant 08022154011 (Ikeja/Oshodi) and (Adaku Osuwah) Mocality 08188904321.







If you want SLK to anchor your event or perform at your event, please send a message to +23407035639439.SMS only please or BB: 25fa5cf5

WOMEN AND HONDA

I have now noticed that women are likehonda cars! If you know names of some honda cars, you wil understand what am saying!


  • If your girl likes to treat you well, takes care of you and watches over you! You can call her HONDA BABY BOY! Because that's what you are to her!
  • If your girl is loyal and always agrees with you all the time, you can call her HONDA ACCORD
  • If you girl is very sophisticated! She loves to tush her self up with the latest thus chopping your money, you can call her IV TECH
  • If your girl is very principled and very strict! You can call her HONDA CIVIC
  • If your girl doea not sleep at night but goes for strange meetings feel free to call her HONDA EVIL SPIRIT
  • If your girl is that type of girl that when you see early in the morning makes you shout 'JESUS!', then you can call her HONDA HALLA!
  • Finally, on the other hand, two men can be talking price tins in the market! "I've told you I cant pay N15000 I only have N10000!" ' Noo! Ok Make it N14000' Then all of a sudden a pretty girl passes!    "You know what I would pay N20000.. Baby come!Baby.." That kind of girl you call her HONDA END OF DISCUSSION!




Face of Ogun registration forms are out on sales. For more information, call: Damilola on +2348056279732, Feyisayo on +2347032039552, Lanre on +2348051612334. Powered by FCE





If you want SLK to anchor your event or perform at your event, please send a message to +23407035639439.SMS only please or BB: 25fa5cf5

Thursday, 9 August 2012

SOCIAL NETWORKING

Trust Nigerians! Any new tin wey come, we must to chuck hand! Nigerians! Na so we take frustrate HI5! Now only  celebrities are on HI5! By the way I heard that Baba Fryo and Father U-turn have just joined! There was a massive exodus to facebook and twitter! Everybody is tweeting now! Even those that dont know anything! I asked one girl for her twitter handle the other day, she told me it had broken but that she would soon fix it! One thing our celebrities don't know is that armed robbers are on twitter too! If you put your address on twitter, they are ready to FOLLOW you!

The really crazy one was the advent of facebook! Infact, I was so into it! I remember my mother (who apparently had no idea of social networking) was calling me one day when I was religiously facebooking! 'Olu! Olu!' I said, 'mummy am on facebook!' she said 'ehn oo de bole! (ehn come down now!)'. Facebook was like the mainstay! People got sacked at work because of that thing o! One guy got into trouble now! He WENT TO GO AND like one lady's picture! He now commented, "baby you look very sexy and hawt! You are putting ideas in my mind!' He didnt know that was his pastor's wife! He started explaining the ideas to his pastor! 'Sir I meant new church growth ideas' Infact I think it was when people noticed that their pastors have joined facebook that they ran to twitter! And for some of us, our parents! Talking about facebook, you know that anybody can come on facebook and put any name and picture just to decieve you! You know how fake facebook can get now! The day I can never forget was when I asked my mother out without knowing! I have never seen such a traditional red card before! 'Olu! Abi Ori e yi? Se mi lo n ba soro!'

My facebook story is a quite interesting one sa! When I joined facebook! I had only one friend! Am telling you! No am not wicked! That one friend was more valuable than five thousand! My hero! When he comfirmed the friendship, I wanted to die! I did not believe my eyes! Oh I haven't told you his name! Mmm! Michael Jackson! Yes MJ! I am very serious! No jokes now!  I was the envy of my friends! I told them why I didnt accept thier pending friend requests! To top it up, sometimes I had the priviledge to chat with him! Am serious am not joking! For 2 straight years, he was my only friend on facebook! My friends used to even send me to him! People actually respected me because of that o! Until unfortunately in 2009, we heard about his demise! The kind of tears I shed that day ehn! I could not believe my one and only  ESSENCE, sorry Facebook love (No homo) was gone!
And so that night I decided to write something on my hero's wall!
 'You were more than a friend to me! More of an Inspiration! God knows why he took you away! Though you are dead, your manhood still lives on the minds of men (yes she stole my line!) RIP michael! '
After I sent this piece and closed my laptop, I heard a knock on my room door! 'Yes come in!' It was our houseboy and I'm like 'Mike please am not eating!' Then he's like, 'no no be food o! If na food e better! why you go dey curse me for my wall na?' 'Your wall? we just painted it na' So I went to his room and i didnt see anything on his wall! "oga na my Facebook I de talk!'
WHAT! MIKE! NA U BE MICHAEL JACKSON? The rate at which I deleted him ehn! I added all my friends even the ones that didn't send me request!Now I have 5000 friends! 




















This Saturday! Come and have fun and get empowered at the same time! Ft Temitayo, Kore, Soundsultan, SLK and lots more! Speakers are Adeolu Akinyemi, and Dakore Egbuson! Just N2000! Tickets available at the venue!!!


If you want SLK to anchor your event or perform at your event, or more enquiries on SLK COLOR BLOGGING please send a message to +23407035639439.SMS only please or BB: 25FA5CF5

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

THOSE AWKWARD MOMENTS


Just thought of some really wierd moments! Some are just wild imaginations while some are inspired by true happenings!  Lets check them out!

  1. That awkward moment when you discover that you asked the wrong twin out! Na dsame dsame!
  2. That awkward moment when you are caught red handed stealing meat from the pot by your mother and you have to pretend its a normal thing! What is it not our meat!
  3. That awkward moment when you hold down a key on your computer keyoard expecting it to type in uppercase! Too much BB!
  4. That awkward moment when you give your best pose in a group photograph and then you discover that you didnt appear! Ah! TAKE 2!
  5. That awkward moment when you rush out of the bathroom to pick yoour ringing phone only to discover that its a flash! Na to call the person insult am o!
  6. That awkward moment when super eagles win a match! If I hear!
  7. That awkward moment when your girl smiles at you at 9pm and says to you "Baby today is my birthday"! You know that the next thing is to kneel down!
  8. That awkward moment when your father is dancing azonto! Daddy it doesnt look good in agbada! 
  9. That awkward moment when you raise your hand to ask a question in class for minutes and your lecturer finally points at you then you discover that you have forgotten the question you wanted to ask!   Sir em can i ask a question? Yes go ahead! Em Thats my question!
  10.  That awkward moment when your mother that carried you for 9 months, laboured for about 12 hrs in the labour room, breastfed you for a year (for some 5), looks at you and tells you WAKA! Mum you just insulted yourself!!!!



TGIF NIGHT coming soon... Trust me its gonna be DA BOMB. Tickets selling fast so u better start buying yours... I no say booking O... I said BUY BUY BUY cos u can't afford to miss THIS EVENT. Limited tickets available o. For your Tickets, c
all Nelson 08033102703 (Omole), Yinka 08094001191 (Ikeja), Victor 08184174013 (Festac), Dammy 08028969470 (OTA), Bisi 07066556908 (Jakande/Ajao Estate), Grant 08022154011 (Ikeja/Oshodi) and (Adaku Osuwah) Mocality 08188904321




If you want SLK to anchor your event or perform at your event, or more enquiries on SLK COLOR BLOGING,  please send a message to +23407035639439.SMS only please or BB: 25FA5CF5.