Stolen Yarns

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

WELCOME TO MY CHURCH: THE ROCK OF AGES STILL STRANGLES THE DEVIL!


'If you are a witch or wizard in this church right now, your time is up!', the pastor shouts before he brings out a handkerchief to clean his face...well looks to us like his face is the one cleaning the handkerchief because even from the back of the 150 seater church we can perceive the odor of the handkerchief! oh I forgot to welcome you! My bad! Welcome to THE ROCK OF AGES STILL STRANGLES THE DEVIL BECAUSE THE KINGDOM OF GOD ID AT HAND PENTECOSTAL FIRE MINISTRIES! (panting heavily) and this is the last day of our 30 day revival!
'Church say the devil is a liar!' the pastor continues more vehemently! 'In case you didn't hear me the first time, I'm going to re-repeat it again! I said If you know you are a witch or wizard here today come out! The spirit is telling me that they are here! So if you stay in the river... you are a WATER WITCH, if you stay inside the leaves of plants... you are a GREEN WITCH and even if you stay inside the dust of the ground ... You are a SAND WITCH! COME OUT! now! We are going to deal with you!'
Now if you hear this kind of this kind of statements and you are in church with your wife, and  six DAUGHTERS,then you will feel a little bit scared!This is the plight of Mr.Williams who is sitted at the back with his family! 'My bible tells me! Suffer not a witch to live! All you witches and wizards here come out now!' 
Now Mr Williams begins to look at his daughters one by one with an eye of scrutiny! Then all of a sudden, the last daughter jumps up to go out! 'What? where to?' Mr Williams asks trying to doubt his ever sharp eagle eyes! The same eyes that saw his daughter steal meat from the pot all the way from the gate! 'I want to go and wiwi' she says already jogging like a super eagles substitute! 'Ehn Wiwi there!!' he replies the 6 year old abruptly as if it were her fault that her bladder is full! To Mr Williams surprise by the time he turns his face, his wife is nowhere to be found! He then looks up and sees his wife walking towards the altar! Still doubting his eyes he asks for confirmation from his daughter. 'Is that not my wife?' His daughter replies 'No daddy, that's mummy!'
As if fired by a jet-pack, Mr Williams jolts up from his pew and runs through the aisle determined to stop his beloved wife! He got towards the altar and taps his wife 'honey. are you the witch?'
'what!' his wife yells back! 'Have you forgotten that am an  usher and i have to help co-ordinate the altar call!' He feels much better but this feeling is short-lived! As he tries to make his way back to his pew, two ushers grab him! These ushers actually look more like bouncers! 'Where are you running to?' the 1st one yells! 'Oh you felt the power of God and decided to run abi? Today is the judgement day!'
Mr Williams smiles  and replies 'brethren actually, am not a witch!'
The second 'bouncer' smiles back 'That's what we are saying you cant be a witch! You can only be a wizard!'
'No am neither! Actually I came to....

Pastor yells 'The devil is a liar! Grab him! We will deal with him! So you are the wizard holding back the growth of my ministry! You will die today! I will show you that THE ROCK OF AGES STILL STRANGLES THE DEVIL BECAUSE THE KINGDOM OF GOD IS AT HAND!'
They drag him off to the inner room........where there will be ass WHIPping and gnashing of teeth!!




                                                   




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5 comments:

  1. yeh...lwsmb....lwkmd

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  2. lmaooooooooooooo, after all his worrying,lwkmd!!!!

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  3. iwoooooooooooo
    SLKKKKKKKKK
    simply amazing, i love yu broda keep it up ama solidly behind yu.

    yemi elect

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dis wan dey tear belle oh...

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  5. I made a mistake by reading this blog while eating pepperish food....Laff haf finished me...

    ReplyDelete