Stolen Yarns

Friday, 20 July 2012

Lagos: Naija's Entertainers' Goshen!

Have you ever wondered why almost every artiste ends up settling in Lagos! I think its because the Lagos audience is naturally appreciative of the songs of the musicians and impervious to the jokes of comedians! Wait I can explain!  Its in Lagos that you get the best paparazzi! You will see fans that don't shout in church on a normal day, tearing their shirt for Whizkid! Or before AY says anything, they don tear belle! Or at the name of tuface every girl must fall and confess that tubaba is hot (and omobaba is not)! Experiences like these make it difficult for artistes to want to leave Lagos! They say experience is the best teacher. Its also the most wicked!


I remember one comedian that went to perform somewhere in Calabar! His first line was his last! He was trying to crack a joke on how our diets affect our looks! Then he chose to start with a cliche (in his life, he wont try it again). 'you know that you are what you eat!' it was like they didn't hear at first then the mumu said it again! 'you know that you are what you eat!' And that was the end of Solomon Grundy! If you see beat! Like say na Don Jazzy! While they were beating him they were calling each other! "gan u imayin!mbong dis boy is corring us dog!''


I heard that rooftop MCs were feeling fly and they flew to Warri! When they were going back, na ABC den carry! Warri fans humbled them! Warri fans turned rooftop mcs to Tiles! 


What first of all annoyed the fans was that after the MC called them, they were still wasting time! Forming swag! Trust Warri youths! They gathered in one accord ( baby boy to be precise!). They don redi to fall dia hand!

Rooftop Mcs: Yeah! Yeah! Warri make some nooooooiiiiise!
Fans: Say hu die? wetin your pikin loss?


RooftopMcs: Am sure y'all know Lagimo!yeah!
Fans: Hu sing am na MJ?


RooftopMcs: Okk! Yoh! Take ma picture (shows them the mic to complete)
Fans: U go kill our battery!


Rooftop Mcs; Guys around the world are (shows them the mic again to complete)
Fans: Finer than you!


Rooftop Mcs: And the ladies are screaming (shows the mic)
Ladies: Your fada! Commot stage!


That was the straw that broke the camel's back!

Finally I heard that Artquake went to Borno state to do a show! omo den get mind o! They now went to do their hit track... alanta! The hall was jam-packed! They were so happy! They started; 'e be like faya, dey burn my body'. And you know those our brothers don't like film trick! They are very realistic people! 'Kai walahi i no see any faya for dia body?sule make we frefare veta faya por dem!' 
Come and see where this people were cooking bomb! The fat one was already dancing away his destiny on stage while the other one noticed them cooking the bomb! Before we knew it, song don change! The guy had to tap his 2nd!
'ode open you hands because we wan fly away!Meet me for house emi o fiku sere! ALANTA!' If you see race! Even if they planned to blow am sure that was not the way they would like it! That was the end of the show! Who wan die! 










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2 comments:

  1. Boaz, dis is sum creative stuff here. Am liking it. Safe

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lol artquake no wan die☺☺

    ReplyDelete