Stolen Yarns

Thursday, 5 July 2012

GBAGAUN! (THE UNMISTAKABLE SOUND OF A GRAMMATICAL BLUNDER)

Early in the morning, Monday for that matter, my manager at my workplace (I was on IT) decided to cause problems! You people know am very gentle and little things get to me! But this man got to me that day (trust me the man was huge)! Early in the morning he wanted to start a third world war all by himself! so he called me! ...'
SLK! Go and get me the Civil engineerERS!!'
What! EngineerERS ke! In which company! On a second thought, I gave him the benefit of the doubt! Maybe he's talking about people that NEAR ENGINES!

For those reading this from outside Nigeria, GBAGAUN is a word used in our parlance to depict grammatical blunders! Trust me, in this my country, it is needed! Don't blame us, if the head is bad, the body will also be bad! I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING O!
                                                        TYPES OF GBAGAUNS
There are some GBAGAUNS that end arguments!
I remember a heated argument between my friends one day! All of a SUDDENLINESS, the controversy was resolved! Ki lo de (what happened)! Gbagaun happened!
Me: Who knows her better between Steve and Femi
Femi: (already passionately furious and involved in the argument) What kind of question is that! Me of course! (wait for it) I KNOWS her, I KNOWS her father, I KNOWS her mother. I KNOWS all her family members! 
END OF ARGUMENT! WE ALL WENT TO BED! COMON SAY NIGHTMARE (IN BISHOP OYEDEPO'S VOICE)

Some kill hunger!
The party was sweet o! Going smoothly! Then it was time to eat and they sent a man to our table! We didnt know the man was a Yoruba Suicide bomber! (Yoruba is one of the three major Nigerian tribes)! Little wonder none of us was there to taste the delicacy! Please don't try this delicacy at home....it might be dastardly of you!
CHEF: We have a lot on our menu today. There is fried rice, Jollof rice, salad, Pounded yam, Vegetables, and to cap it all up (yes wait for it!) over there we have ASSAULTED GOAT MEAT!
Me: What?
CHEF: (With more confidence as if someone is questioning his catering knowledge!) ASSAULTED MEAT! ASSAULTED! ASSAULTED! We made sure we ASSAULTED the GOAT......MEAT for your enjoyment!
Like I said don't try that dish!!!

Finally, some GBAGAUNS send people away!
In Lagos, petty traders sometimes use chalk boards to advertise their goods by the road side! This one was written on a wall with permanent marker! Permanent marker because it stays on the mind of the reader forever hunting his destiny! And she will be wondering why people don't patronize her business. Pls read!
YOU CAN BUY YOUR KEROSENE HERE AT AVOIDABLE (affordable) PRICES!
I didn't need a Daniel to decode the writing on the wall!


Please lets henceforth watch our language! Be considerate! People deserve to live! HAVE A GREAT DAYs.....sorry DAY!













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